The Stickler Strikes Again

Some years ago I created a catapult to launch a pumpkin at a Thanksgiving party on base in Yokosuka, Japan. Our whole neighborhood came out for the firepit and my new Japanese friends came by. It was a fun night, complete with a completely-sober-shenanigan-induced knee injury. I just re-injured that knee yesterday because I acted out of impulse and didn't take a minute to check the energy I was bringing to a situation.

Morning at the farm, low-lying fog backlighting the fall foliage as Alice takes in the warmth.

In my mind's eye, one of my neighbors would go long for the pumpkin launch, catch it in the end zone down at the end of the cul-de-sac, and run back with it, the crowd cheering... That was my vision. The launch was rather pathetic. When the pumpkin lobbed up in a lazy arc landing just a few feet away, I knew I had to jump from a higher object so I could land with more force on the 2x4 laying across a round of wood serving as the fulcrum.

I jumped but landed wrong (it was dark) and hyper-extended my right knee. I knew something was wrong instantly as it swelled up painfully. Embarrassed, I hobbled around pretending nothing had happened. I went to bed and woke up with a swollen knee, but still insisted on walking to school with our youngest, Ben, over a hill and a mile away. We left quite a bit of extra time (thank you, Ben!) so we could get there on time, hollow-clinking our slow progress with an improvised cane, a bamboo stick that I had found on a hike. On the way home, I went by the Naval Hospital and learned I had likely blown out my ACL, later confirmed by an MRI a few weeks later.

I decided against surgery after extensive research. There are "copers" and "non-copers" in the literature. Not everyone needs a surgical repair. Despite my visions of glory launching that pumpkin, I'm not a pro athlete. I do enjoy being very physical, running, hiking, riding horses, playing with my kids, and practicing martial arts like kendo, but do I need to take the risk of surgery to get my full function back? Could I self-repair? Yes. And I did physical therapy myself, strengthening all the muscles around my knees for stability. For 7 years I've been back to full mobility.

Until yesterday. The sweet horse I ride, Alice, has been shifty when mounting...slithering away from the mounting block as the rider gets on. This is pretty dangerous, especially for the small riders she carries about in the lesson program. I see my "job" as partly to keep her honest for the little ones who ride her on the other days. She shifted away yesterday, so I decided to dismount and start over, pushing the point a bit. I had never done that before, but something in me decided to be a stickler about it.

I jumped down and because I'm still recovering from 10 days of illness, my brain wasn't fully engaged yet in the early morning hours with the motor neurons in my leg. I hyper-extended that right knee again. I knew it instantly. DANG IT ALL.

As a Core Energy coach I should have recognized that Stickler surfacing and hit pause for a minute before responding with rigidity. That inflexibility resulted in me failing to absorb the energy of the landing, shooting the energy backward and likely tearing my ACL again.

Wait? What ACL? Had my ACL regrown? I'd been wondering about that for 7 years but didn't want to get a fresh MRI, rattling all my atoms unnecessarily. You can't tear something that doesn't exist in the first place. My ACL must have repaired itself at least to some degree. Now I am wondering what I've done but must go through the same process of slowly assessing, testing what I can do and what I can't, as the swelling goes down. It's not as bad as the first time, but something is injured.

Swelling is important for a time because the pain will keep me from being stupid as my body repairs itself. This swelling is protective. It is also a sign that the immune system has noticed damage and is recruiting the repair agents. As I went to sleep last night, my knee groaning when bent, I visualized the repair crew scooting in for the night shift.

What Energy Am I Bringing to This Situation?

In the Energy Leadership(TM) model I share with my clients, this inflammatory response would be a reasonable metaphor for Level 1 energy, serving to protect us from further damage and causing us to take a watchful waiting approach before making decisions. It can serve a very helpful purpose for a time. However, staying in Level 1 prevents movement and growth. Moving is painful, but the pain decreases with time. When I stand up after writing this, yeah, it will hurt. But in about 90 seconds it will not be as noticeable as it was initially.

Even coaches sometimes respond reflexively with a lower level of energy than the situation deserves. The Stickler decided Alice needed to stand perfectly still and not walk off until asked. That approach is Level 2, very binary: I win and she learns her lesson. Is there another way to do this? Yes. Just two weeks ago I had used entirely positive feedback and it worked. It took a little longer (an extra 2 minutes or so?) but it worked. Why I reflexively responded with The Stickler yesterday is interesting - what motivated that? Perhaps I was exhausted from 10 days of being sick yet pushing through with work and life anyway. I had clawed through the week and was just beat. I didn't have much left, wasn't able to generate the energy necessary to get to a Level 5 - we both win - approach.

As I look back on my week, The Stickler had surfaced at home as well. I picked a battle with our younger son over what he ate as a snack. The Stickler insisted on milk instead of an energy bar. Rarely do I command my son to do something - he is incredibly self-directed. Why did I pick that to be so unyielding about? I was distracted, finishing up work, and exhausted. I just wanted him to do what I thought made sense and be done with it. This approach backfired, as it nearly always does. Within an hour we had taken a time out then resolved our differences. I noticed he had added a new scale on the whiteboard. In addition to the menace scale (developed a month ago by our oldest son), there was now a moron scale. It's important for parents to bring the humor and humility!

For this incident, I was given an 8 on the menace scale for being such an ass and a 10 on the moron scale for picking a stupid battle. I'm currently working these down - by 24 hours later I was down to a 2 on the menace and 8 on the moron.

Being humble and showing that I can step outside myself to evaluate my actions is important to model for the kids. In my work as a coach, self-awareness is probably the #1 predictor of success in achieving goals. If we are unable to honestly appraise where we are, how can we identify the obstacles, self-limiting beliefs, and habits that impede our ability to achieve success?

The Pleaser is my top saboteur. The Stickler is way down the list, actually. The Pleaser caused me to break my hand in September while trying to take a group photo. I move fast and go big in nearly everything I do, so I simply spazzed in a moment of highly-caffeinated pleasing and broke a bone in my hand. I haven't done anything about it as the remedy would be taping it to a "neighbor" finger, which essentially lends that hand useless. It's still painful but I can type, ride, run, etc. I know from experience it will get better with time.

In life, we all have saboteurs, but we also have an inner Sage. If you want to learn more about how to tap into your inner Sage to manage your saboteurs, ask me about this when we meet next. I am adding a Positive Psychology course to my iPEC training and really appreciate how complimentary they are.

Have a wonderful holiday with your families and friends! I am VERY THANKFUL for each of you! Let me know what you think about this post, too?